


Impossible

by jillyfae



Series: Façades [1]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Anal Sex, Blasphemy, Confessions, Dirty Talk, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Masturbation, Outdoor Sex, Rough Sex, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vaginal Sex, Voice Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-08
Updated: 2013-02-08
Packaged: 2017-11-28 14:54:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/675640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillyfae/pseuds/jillyfae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bethany Hawke is a liar.  She's not sweet.  Or innocent.  The one man who knows all her secrets is the one man she cannot have.  The only one she really wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Anders

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place _before_ Act I, during the Hawkes' first year in Kirkwall, before Sebastian's family is killed. (So he is still a Brother in good standing.)  
>  ***  
> Original Kink meme prompt:
> 
> Bethany's sweet and kind, but the virginal thing is just a ruse. She's had a taste of all the canon male LIs in game. Show me some graphic Bethany sex with Fenris and with Anders. What that her "taste" of Sebastian looks like is up to A!A. If you want him to stick to his vows, that's fine, but breaking them's more than welcome. Kinks I welcome are dirty talk, public sex, voyeurism, begging, bondage, and anal.
> 
> (There was a bit more too, about possible scenarios, but I threw all those out the window and went for UNREQUITED ANGST instead.)

"This is wrong, Serah Hawke." Sebastian's voice was tight, trying to hide behind formality and structure, trying to be invisible on his side of the booth. "We should not..."

"We should not what?" Bethany licked her lips, sighing softly in the shadows of the confessional. "You will not accept my confession? You will not offer me the _comfort_ of my faith?"

"Bethany," she could hear his breath shudder as he sighed. "You are not here to seek solace. You are here because you enjoy it."

"So do you," she hissed, her hands already busy rubbing at her breasts. _Oh, that voice, sinful and perfect. And how it roughens when he hears me through the screen._ "Or you would have excused yourself as soon as you recognized my voice, as soon as we both knew there was no anonymity."

"Maker forgive me," he hissed softly, and she imagined him leaning back against the wall behind his bench, the ache growing in his groin. As the heat was already pooling between her legs. "Please, Bethany, this has to be the last time."

"I'll stop when you admit you want me as I want you. That you know precisely how tall I am, because you've imagined my legs wrapped around you. I'll stop when you admit you watch me, when you admit you want to know what I taste like, what I'd feel like pinned beneath you."

"Bethany," Sebastian's voice was rough, but firm. Oh, she wanted to hear him say her name like that all the time, say it as he thrust inside her. "It can never be. I have vows..."

"You have forsaken your vows in all but name." She pushed and pulled against her breasts, back and forth, teasing her nipples until they were stiff and aching. "And when you admit it, when you take me from Gamlen's hovel and fuck me properly, rather than whispering through a screen, then I'll stop."

"Bethany," he groaned, and she could hear the shifting of his legs, the slide of fabric as he moved his robes.

 _Oh Maker,_ she moaned, one hand sliding between her legs to push her skirts hard against her sex, the layers of fabric sliding and providing unexpected shifts in friction. He usually restrained himself until he heard her come alone on her side of the booth, whispering his name as she shoved her fingers deep inside. That he broke so soon... _I'm getting to him. And he likes it when I'm blunt._

"You know I think of you, when I flirt with them," she hissed. "I only do it because I cannot have what I really want."

"You don't just flirt, Bethany. You tease them until they do such things to you..." His voice caught, and she groaned again, wondering what he was doing. _Does he cup his balls, squeeze them tight? Does he stick his finger up his ass, curving inside his body? Or does he go right for his cock? Does he wrap his hand around and stroke, up and down, until he can't take it anymore and he shoots against the wall?_

"I make them fuck me, Sebastian." She lifted her skirts, pushing them up to her waist so she could rub directly against the thin silk of her smalls, already damp and clinging to her body. "And I pretend they're you."

"If your sister," his voice was shaky, but she had to admire how determined he was to keep _trying_ to say the right thing, despite what they both wanted.

"My sister thinks I'm a virgin." Her hips were pushing up against her hand, and she pushed down harder with her fingers, swallowing a moan. "I blush and drop my eyes, I ask innocent questions of Isabela, as if I didn't know what it felt like to swallow a man's seed." 

Sebastian groaned on his side of the dark wall, and she laughed, short and bitter. "I've offered to swallow your seed, Sebastian. You are the only one preventing yourself from feeling my lips around your cock." Her hips jerked just at the thought. _Maker, I want to taste him so badly._

"There is more to life than our base desires, Bethany." His platitude was weakened by his heavy breathing. He was consumed by base desires, _just like me_.

 _Can it be base if I love you?_ "So you've said. And yet, you keep listening to my tales of my own debauchery. You can resist me no more than I can stop wanting you."

"You want me, and fuck Anders and Fenris behind your sister's back." 

He didn't sound angry. She didn't understand this game they were playing, or why it turned them both on so much, but she _couldn't stop_. "Well I don't think she'd like to watch. Not interested in cock herself, probably wouldn't want to see her little sister impaled on one." A fleeting hint of entirely inappropriate humor lightened her voice, and she heard something that was almost a chuckle breathe through the screen, making her chest ache. They used to laugh together. Before things got so complicated. Before she'd thrown herself at him, and he'd turned her down, and she'd ended up drunk and naked underneath an equally despondent Anders. _My sister made it brutally clear she doesn't think of men that way._

"Anders might like it," she mused, "considering he only fucks me because he can't have Luise."

Sebastian made a rough growl in his throat, part disbelief, part disapproval. _Part regret?_

"Oh, it's true," Bethany insisted. "He likes to tie me to his bed, face down, so he can _pretend_. He spreads my ass apart and licks, teasing me with his tongue until I'm squirming and swearing at him. I beg him for more. 

" _Please, oh please, stop teasing and fuck me, I'm yours for the taking, I want you, take me hard, make me scream_." Her whisper fades, hoping, yet again, for something from Sebastian, something _more_. But he says nothing, makes no sound beyond the ragged breaths slipping between the holes in the screen. 

"He insists on taking his time, even if I'm still loose from the last time he fucked me. When he's done with his tongue he slides in one finger. Then two, twisting and teasing. It feels so good, my body tightening around him, but it's not enough to build the pleasure. I can't come from it, and he knows it, so he draws it out for as long as he can stand it, listening to the sounds I make, watching me strain against my bonds." The memory was making her thighs clench around her hand, pushing her hand harder and harder against her clit, and she had to stop, panting and groaning, loosening her stomach until the tension eased, warm instead of hot, and she could talk again. "Finally, he pushes his cock inside."

Sebastian growled her name, low and rough, and she wasn't sure if he wanted to be pushing inside her, or have something pushed up his own arse, or both, and she knew she'd happily oblige him either way if only he'd _let her_. "He's bigger than his fingers, long and hard, so that first thrust always burns, just a little, no matter how well he greased up his cock and his fingers and my hole. But it's such a good burn, such a tease, a promise of what's to come." The heel of her hand outside her smalls was no longer enough, so she twisted her hand and slid a finger under the silk, rubbing directly against the aching nub of flesh. 

"Ah," she sighed out, savoring the pleasure of the contact, listening to Sebastian, harsh breathing and the rub of skin on skin just barely audible over her own hot breaths. "And then he's done being gentle, and he fucks me hard against his bed, and it is so good, so hot, he is deep inside me, stretching me as he pulls in and out, over and over, until his thrusts become uneven, until he's almost there." She heard a thud, was pretty sure Sebastian had just hit his head against the back wall, arching too hard on his bench, though all she could see through the screen was a slight shifting of an indistinct shadow. "He pushes all the way in, his hips hard against my backside, and then he slides his hand underneath me, rubbing hard against my clit, so rough, so good." _Oh Maker, so close, I'm almost there._

"Must you always make it rough, Bethany?" His brogue was thicker than usual, she had to concentrate to understand him past her heated thoughts. "There is more to pleasure than brute force."

"I'm not looking to make love to Anders, Sebastian," Bethany hissed, a shot of rage tightening her fingers, digging the nails of the hand not busy between her legs into her breast. "I wanted that with you, and you turned me down, so I _fuck_ now, hard and senseless. And I like it. I like it when he summons his electricity spell, and it hurts, but it's _good_ , his fingers rubbing, electricity singing through my skin, his cock stretching me, everything so full, so tight, so hot I burn as I come."

The noise Sebastian made was short and strangled, as if he'd wanted to say something, scream something, and swallowed it back down his throat. It was rough, and dark, and _delicious_ , and her hips rose against her hand, and she leaned forward so she could tilt her hand at just the right angle, shoving two fingers inside, shoving herself over the edge. "Yes, Maker, yes... _Sebastian_."

"Bethany." The rasp of Sebastian's voice in the darkness almost brought tears to her eyes as she shuddered over her hand, and then all she could hear was her heart beating, her breathing rough and uneven, alone in the dark.

"Say my name again, Sebastian." She almost sobbed as she pulled her hand free, as she started to wipe her fingers and thighs clean with her underskirt. Anders never called her name when he came, muffling his shout against her back or her shoulder so she wouldn't be forced to hear him still lusting after her sister, just like she bit the blanket beneath her so she wouldn't cry for Sebastian. They knew they neither of them wanted each other, but it seemed rude to call out the wrong name when making do with what you could get. "Please."

"Ah, Bethany," he sighed, "I wish..."

 _Oh, we both wish, Sebastian._ She turned until she was kneeling on the bench, chest against the wall between them, cheek resting against that cursed screen, letting nothing through but soft sounds and hints of shadows. 

"Say it again, Sebastian. Again."

"I cannot give you what you want, Bethany."

"Please."

"Bethany." The screen darkened, and she imagined him, pressed to the other side, so close they ought to be able to touch. So far away they never would.


	2. Fenris

"Bless me Brother, for I have sinned." Bethany sat slowly down on the hard wooden seat. She was still sore from her sinning, still wet. Sated in body, perhaps, but never satisfied, no matter how hard Fenris took her, how often she came. "I seek your absolution."

"Absolution can never be yours, Bethany," Sebastian whispered. "You must repent of your sins. You must try and change your ways, or this shall never be a true confession. This is naught but titillation."

"Every week, you try and chastise me. And yet, every week I sin again. Perhaps I need more than words. Would you prefer to mortify my body? The slap of leather until my skin breaks, thin lines of blood as I beg for your mercy?"

She heard his sharp intake of breath, hard and wordless. She'd surprised him. Even after everything she'd told him, she still surprised him. "You shouldn't say such things, Bethany. Someday, someone will take advantage of them, will try to hurt you for his own pleasure."

 _But I want you to take advantage of me, Sebastian. You know that._  Her stomach hurt, trying to clench again, despite the two orgasms Fenris had recently forced out of her. She moaned at the ache, somehow not surprised that Sebastian's voice could start to make her want again, no matter how worn out she'd been a moment ago.

"I was here for services," she managed to say, rather than begging him for his touch. "Did you see me?"

"Of course, Bethany," his voice was soft, surprisingly gentle. "I always see you. I saw you speaking to Fenris afterwards, as well. And then you left together, rather suddenly, his hand tight around your arm."

"Was that a question, Sebastian?" Oh, she was practically purring. She'd turned into such a tease, all for him. "Do you want to know happened? If you'd gone back to your cell and looked out the window, you'd know already."

"I beg your pardon?"

She sighed one unsteady breath, starting to feel hot, and she rubbed her hands along her hips, low across her stomach. She'd surprised him again,  _Maker_ , she wanted him to surprise her one day. To do more than listen.

"He hasn't figured out I do it on purpose. Or he doesn't care." Bethany's nostrils flared, remembering the dark growl of Fenris' voice, the scowl that darkened his eyes whenever he looked at her. He wasn't Sebastian, he wasn't the one she wanted, just as he didn't even really like her, but he knew how to play her body, how to make both of them desperate for more, always more.

"And what do you do to him, Bethany?" Sebastian's voice was warm, an invisible caress in the dark. He wasn't trying to stop her talking, anymore. She imagined him leaning back and closing his eyes, losing himself in her voice, her wanton tales of lust and their mutually frustrated desire.

"I tease him. I ask an innocent question, express surprise at seeing him at a Chant, but I pause at just the wrong time, and suddenly he remembers I am a mage, and I'm questioning his right to go where he pleases, to be free and worthy of the Chantry, and he must _show me_ what he's capable of..." She moaned at the memory. He was so strong, Fenris, fingers rough, arms hard and unyielding. "He took me outside, and then I stepped back, away from him, and he followed, chasing me into the side courtyard as if I was his prey."

"You lured him there."

"I did. I backed up, away from the entrance arch, looked up and counted the slits of windows until I found yours, made sure I could see it. Could pretend you were there, watching me."

"What would I have seen if I'd been there, Bethany?" He was saying her name more often, she'd noticed. Every question, every phrase, as if he couldn't resist the feel of her in his mouth. It gave her hope. Stupid, reckless, ridiculous, probably completely false hope, but it eased her heart regardless.

"You would have seen him stalk up to me, slow and steady, removing his breastplate and placing it on the ground beside me. And then you would have watched as he stood back up, leaning in until I was trapped, pinned against the outer wall, rough stone against my back, barely any space between us, shoulders canted forward until he could growl in my ear, murmuring in tevene." Her voice had dropped to a husky whisper, but it was nothing like the rough edge of Fenris when he snarled at her, sex and anger and want all tangled together. Sebastian liked it though, breath speeding up on his side of the screen.

"His hips were far enough enough back he could ease his leggings down to free his cock, to stroke himself as he called me wicked, a desire demon in human form, a mage who deserved everything he was going to do to me." She couldn't stand it anymore, imagining Sebastian listening to her, lips parted and cheeks flushed, strong hands clenched around the bench as he held himself still.

Her hand slid between her legs, rubbing gentle circles through her skirt, not too much, everything still sensitive from extended arousal. "He grabbed my arms, and shoved me down to the ground, reaching under my skirts to spread my legs, to shove my smalls to the side, to thrust," she moaned, speeding up her circling hand, still careful not to push too hard. "All the way in, all at once, no warning at all, my head and shoulders grinding into the dirt beneath me."

"Did he hurt you?" Sebastians voice was dark, his brogue thick, and Bethany was oh so briefly tempted to lie, to see what an angry Starkhaven noble could do to protect her, before the Brother took over again.

But she didn't need his protection, and Fenris didn't deserve his anger, as he'd been more than aware of how willing she was, her hips tilted towards him and her eyes dark with lust.

"I'd just been listening to you sing, don't you remember?" Bethany smiled in the dark, hips rocking against the bench. "I was soaking wet, aching to be full. His hips shoved hard between my legs and I shattered beneath him, moaning my pleasure, fingers clenching in the dirt. He held still as I jerked and shook around him, and as soon as I was done he pulled back out, holding himself above me, ordering me to take out my breasts."

Sebastian grunted when she paused, and she wasn't sure if he was surprised, agreeing with Fenris' priorities, or merely encouraging her to continue. _He definitely isn't asking me to stop._ So she didn't.

"I could feel the dirt under my nails, sticking to my fingers, leaving marks on my blouse, my skin, as I pulled my breasts up and free, until I could feel the sun on my skin, warmer than the dirt under my back, there in the courtyard, for anyone to see. Anyone could look out a window, or step into the courtyard, see me spread out on display."

"Do you want people to see you like that, Bethany?" His voice was husky, his vowels thick, and she sighed, rough and broken, part surprise, part pain, part desire. She wanted that voice, so much it hurt, sides aching and thighs trembling. "Your hair tangled across the ground, skirts hiked up to your waist, your body flushed and heaving, there for the taking?"

She keened softly, voice stuck in her throat in shock. He'd never participated in their game before, always just listening.  _I want you to see me like that. I'd display myself for the whole world, if it meant you'd look too._

"Did he take your nipples into his mouth, Bethany? Did he suck them deep and hard? Did he lick them with his tongue? Did he bite, just a little, just enough?" She couldn't breathe, chest heaving, hips rocking, her hand still going around and around, and  _oh, his voice_ , sinful and perfect and hot against her skin. She nodded wordlessly, head pushed back against the wall.  _He did, and it was good, but this is better. Please, keep talking..._

"Did he fill you up with his cock, hips rolling against your thighs, rubbing deep inside you?" Bethany whined, shaking her head. "No? Did he pull all the way out and slam back in, over and over, rough and hard, making your breath catch, your body shake beneath him?"

"Yess," she breathed out. Her body was starting to shake again, from him, from his voice. It was like she could feel his words, thrusting and claiming, twisting her muscles in knots of pleasure and anticipation.

"Did he make you come a second time, Bethany? Did you scream, or only whisper, like you do in here, blocked by stone and screen?"

 _I bit my lip so hard it bled, stopping myself from screaming your name as I looked over Fenris up to your window._  She couldn't make her throat and mouth work, no words coming out, only a rough edged moan.

"Come again Bethany, for me this time."

_I always come for you._

"Let me hear you. Say my name."

"Sebastian..." It was her turn to hit her head on the wall, an uncontrollable shudder as she did as he had asked, and oh, it hurt, her body unprepared and overused and aching, his voice like fire tracing her veins, singeing her muscles, searing her chest; she was burning and blind and it was  _glorious_.

Her breathing finally slowed, her body loose and heavy. She felt almost content, for possibly the first time she could remember.  _Since father died?_  "Oh, Sebastian..." She didn't know what to say. _Thank you? Was it good for you? Maker, please talk to me like that again?_

"I'm sorry, Bethany." Her throat tightened when he answered, the moment of peace shattered. "I should not have encouraged -- I can't." She barely registered the rough anguish in his voice past the burning in her eyes.

"You're  _sorry_?" She was so angry she could feel the Fade hovering somewhere behind her thoughts, fingers aching to c all fire or ice down upon the wretched excuse for a man hiding behind stone and robes and  _oaths_. "You finally, there is something  _here_  and..."

She stood up and slapped the screen between them, the sting of the lattice marking her palm. "I love you, you bastard, and you apologize!"

She could feel the hiss of her breath escaping her mouth before she could call it back. She'd never actually said that out loud before. She'd never told him she loved him, not after her first tenuous approach had been so very politely rebuffed.

"Bethany..."

She didn't stop to hear whatever excuse he was going to aim in her direction. She turned and shoved the door open, steps quick and light against the stone as she fled.


	3. Sebastian

"There are bruises on your wrists, Bethany." Sharp and curt, Sebastian's voice filled the booth after she'd closed the door, before she'd even managed to sit down.

_Not even a little surprised I came back? Not a comment or a question about last week? Don't you care I love you? Bastard. Well, I can pretend nothing happened just as well as you can._

"There are," she agreed softly, standing and staring at the dark screen filling the wall beside her. "Are you jealous? Do you wish that it had been your hands to mark my skin, instead of Fenris'?

A growl crossed the screen between them. "Why do you let him treat you so?"

"Why shouldn't I? He never coddles me, never babies me, he knows I can take everything he dishes out." She raised her chin, hair sliding behind her shoulders. "What's wrong with that?"

"He demeans you!"

"He trusts me to know how much I can handle," Bethany retorted. "You don't know what it was like, the baby girl, the only mage, always hidden, always protected, always a secret." Her lips twisted, her voice harsh and bitter. "I never got to do anything, never even allowed to introduce myself to the neighbors. Never trusted to look after myself, not ever, not once."

> _Your sister can go to town to trade for eggs, it isn't safe for you._  
>  _Carver will go to the Chantry school, but your father will teach you here at home, Bethany._  
>  _Luise, Carver, take care of your sister._  
>  _Bethany, hide, be quiet, be careful._  
>  _You have to keep yourself safe._  
> 

"Fenris doesn't trust you either, Bethany."

"But he despises me for my strengths, not my weaknesses. Trust me, it's preferable. Irresistible"

Sebastian sighed, just barely loud enough for her to hear. "Did you ever even try to resist?"

"Why would I want to? Do I have a reason to turn down the pleasures of his body, Sebastian? Have I made promises to someone? Does anyone else have a claim on my flesh?" _You always have first claim, if you'd just take it. Take me. Make me yours._

"Your mother? Your sister? Would they approve?"

"My mother wallows in memories of all she's lost, and my sister spends all her time at the Hanged Man, fighting and drinking and letting herself be seduced by bar maids." Bethany snorted, swallowed saliva dark and bitter down a suddenly tight throat. "As if they'd notice, or care, or have the right to judge." 

"Your family loves you, Bethany," Sebastian's voice eased the ache in her heart, for all it fed the one between her legs. "They may have trouble showing it, but it's obvious to me, when I see them with you, the way they stand beside you, turn and smile when you speak."

"You smile when I speak." She took the one step the small space allowed, breasts just touching the screen between them. "Do you love me?"

Silence, deafening, filling the still air around her.

"There is no answer I can give to that," Sebastian's voice was harsh, sharp-edged and brittle. She was vaguely surprised it didn't make the screen crack. "That would not just hurt us both."

Bethany closed her eyes and bowed her head, mouth tight, jaw clenched so hard she almost bit her tongue.

"I will not forsake my oaths, not even for you. I cannot bend that far. I'd break, instead, and I wouldn't be who..." His voice trailed off, and she was pressed to the screen, fingers trying to grip between the gaps, to pull herself closer, to hear him breathe, to hear his heart beat. Something. _Anything._ All she got was one last whisper, even quieter than before "I cannot change anything."

"Say it." She didn't recognize her own voice, this harsh and brittle thing crawling out of her throat. Everything hurt. And this wouldn't make it better. But she had to hear it. Just once.

"I cannot be your confessor anymore, Bethany."

"Damn you, Sebastian, just once. Before I go. Before it's over. Say it. Please." Hot tears were easing their way down her cheeks, but she'd regained some control over her voice, just enough to keep it steady.

"Then yes." He'd moved so close she could feel his breath through the screen, imagine the heat of his hand against hers. Could pretend that hearing the only thing she'd ever wanted wasn't also the only thing that would finally break her heart. "I love you."


End file.
